Therapy – And Some Good Advice
My friend John (not his real name) calls yesterday. Says he needs to vent. This is most unusual. John is one of the happiest souls I know, and one of the really good guys. His story unfolds, and before he is halfway through, I can tell how it will end.
It seems his Associate Pastor, after serving John’s congregation for four years, has taken a new position. It is a promotion, as he will be the only Pastor for his new congregation.
He bought his current home from John four years ago. They have since become friends. Theyâve shared dinners together and John is very active in church leadership, and volunteers frequently.
On the way out of church Sunday after the announcement, John asks him what he plans to do with the house, is there anything I can do to help with your move? The Pastor looks John in the eye and says, no we are holding on to the house until next spring, and then we’ll decide what to do.
If you’ve been in real estate longer than 2 weeks, you’ve already guessed where this is going, haven’t you?
John finds out later that he already listed the house with someone else. His Pastor! My friend John is feeling hurt, confused, disappointed, shocked – to say the least, unpleasantly surprised. Was it something I said or did?
As has happened so often for me as a friend, coach, advisor or confidante to many salespeople, I find myself in the position of therapist. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful and humbled that so many people trust me and seek my advice.
I know how Floyd Wickman feels toward his long-time mentor and friend, Zig Ziglar, for always being a patient listener and advisor. It is how I feel towards Floyd for always being my ace in the hole. And now it is my turn to be of help.
So I listen to John, as I do every Friday to my coaching students when the same disappointment happens to them; as I do when one of our trainers is unpleasantly surprised by someone they thought of as a client.
What do you do when you have served someone faithfully, loyally, truthfully, graciously – only to be rejected or taken for granted or even worse, lied to?
Well, first you do what John wisely did. Find someone you trust and vent. Get it off your chest. Take all those feelings of hurt and betrayal and just get them out of your system. Confidentially.
Then write it out. Write a long letter to the person who has done you wrong. Express all those wicked, hateful, unforgiving feelings. Get down and dirty. Let them know just exactly how much they have hurt you. Really tell them off.
Then burn it. Or shred it. Or bury it in the back yard. Symbolically let it go. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT hit send. DO NOT go on Facebook or Twitter.
If you have created enough distance and perspective, use Floyd’s famous AHA system – Adversity Handling Analysis – and see if you can discover something useful to learn from this, and prevent it from happening again.
And, finally, send them flowers. Wish them luck. God speed. I will always be grateful for our friendship.
Remember those wonderfully comforting cliches. I print them out and post them around my office, on the visor in the car, laminated on a pocket card and carried attached to my key chain.
Take The Highest Road With The Longest View. You Can’t Get Them All. You Don’t Need Them All. You Don’t Even Want Them All. Not Forgiving Someone Is Like Taking Poison Thinking The Other Person Will Die From It. This Too Shall Pass. Nothing Lasts. Not the Good. Not the Bad.
And my personal favorite from Floyd:
Learn From It. Let Go. And Go On.
Here’s to a little therapy this week, and remember- weâre here if you need us.
Mike Pallin has been at Floyd Wickman’s side for over 25 years – as his first Program Trainer, where he has personally graduated over 5000 students; as Creative Director where he and Floyd co-created training programs, as well as audio and video training aids, that have helped over 250,000 salespeople and managers succeed; and as President of The…